youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize