Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
