Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
