just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
