Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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