So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
