Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
