can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
