I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
