I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
