when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
