I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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