so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
