There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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