Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
