Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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