Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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