does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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