I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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