She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
