I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
What drink are we having for lunch?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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