and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
