I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
