I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
