My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
