were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
