I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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