i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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