And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
