Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
