If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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