I got chris browned last night
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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