i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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