well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
