I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
