I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
a search helicopter?!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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