Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
