At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Walk of Shame today included voting.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
