i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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