He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
