3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
