So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize