kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize