I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize