apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
and she was petting her beer can
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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