a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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