we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
