Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
