So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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