Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
