Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
