Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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