she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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