Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
