There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Randomize
