hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
We got so high we made milksteak
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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