Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
