He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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