okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
