He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
dude. I can hear the air.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize