I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
