I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
