Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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