Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize