real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
