I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
