Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
